you know when you just know that you have to do something, even if it doesn’t make any logical sense, whatsoever?
...this is one of those things.
it is currently 1:32 am. i am laying in bed. wide awake. skin trembling. blanketed in stillness. drinking in the last sounds of home. the rain cascading gently on the roof above. cricket lullabies echoing through backyard ferns. the taste of saltwater and basil drifting through the summer air. winds whirling through the open windows of a little cottage nestled in coconut groves. i am aching to stretch the time. to relive this moment a million times over. my mind is spinning. cells enveloped in wave after wave of dizzying electricity. i have surrendered to a soft whisper that has been simmering beneath my surface for months now. i’ve never been more deeply, madly in love with uncertainty than i am in this moment. everything i own is packed into single backpack resting at the foot of this bed. tomorrow i’ll be leaving this island for the first time in a year. flying across this pale blue globe to a sliver of earth i’ve never stepped foot upon before.
the instinctual thirst to honor my intuitive
nature runs through my veins.
it took a year of living here to realize that it was never about hawaii. every experience, every second, every memory, i attracted here was only a reflection of myself. it was me. all along. and i am not any one place. one label. one thing. i am a multidimensional being. it is only through leaving, that i can embody the wholeness this island has unveiled to me that i carry within. my heart has been calling me away for months. to grow. to evolve. to continue to unfold into who i am. you can appear to have “everything” on a surface level, or live a dream life, but if you aren’t listening to your intuition, what is that worth? if you abandon your authenticity you have nothing. you lose everything. and nothing beautiful arises from what is easy or comfortable. up until today, my life has been composed of a million little blind leaps of faith. somewhere along the way, i stopped taking those leaps. i stopped following my fears. i am leaving because i am scared shitless of leaving. and that’s exactly why i know i have to. freedom lingers at the edge of uncertainty. so here i am. drifting through the clouds. suspended thousands miles above a crystalline sea. i have little to no idea where i'm going. what i am doing. and the truth is...no one does. if you wait for the right time...you will always be waiting. following your heart isn’t supposed to be easy. it’s the hardest shit ever. sacrificing everything for a dream that no one can see but you may be the definition of insanity for some. though the thin line between unshaken faith and blind carelessness. and i’ve never felt more sure of anything in my entire life. this island was never my end. this place was my rebirth.